As women, we are natural relators. Unless life has taught us otherwise, we want to connect, trust, share, and bond with other women. Sisterhood feeds our spirit. But there are times to be cautious. There are times when a raised brow or a sideways glance at certain people in our lives is appropriate. In other words, there are times when it is wise to take a step back and reevalute some of the “friendships” in our lives. Now the Pink Couch does not endorse being rude, but it does endorse being shrewd – being skilled at discerning people and situations that may or may not be helping us reach our greatest potential. Below are the 4 types of friends that may deserve your side-eye:
1. Doubtful Dana
Doubtful Dana is The Pink Couch’s version of a Negative Nancy. She is full of doubt and negativity. How will we ever get men at this age? How could we ever get jobs in this economy? Aren’t we a little too old to go after our dreams? While it’s one thing for this friend to doubt her own happy ending, it’s an even bigger issue when she brings you into that bubble of negativity too. If there’s one thing that physicians, psychologists, teachers, coaches, and spiritual leaders all agree upon, it’s that a positive outlook is key to happiness and success. If you believe it, you can achieve it. Don’t let a Doubtful Dana steal your belief. It’s the heartbeat of your dreams.
2. Quiet Queela
The funny thing about Quiet Queela is that she is there when you’re in need. You lost your job? She’s there. You just experienced a bad breakup? She’s the first person at your house. But when things start turning around for you, when success begins to find and follow you, this friend is suddenly no where to be found. As friends and colleagues congratulate and celebrate you, Quiet Queela gets…well…quiet. There are no more phone calls, house visits, Facebook “likes,” or emails. And when you casually point out that you’ve missed hearing from this friend during these happier times, her response is typically “Oh…I did hear something about that. I’m sorry, I’ve been busy……” But she wasn’t busy when you were miserable. In fact, she’s never busy when you’re miserable. Beware of friends who are only present in bad times. Truth is, they may not be able to handle your success. Deep-rooted insecurities or envy may make it difficult for them to truly rejoice with you. True friends are there when you’re down, but they are just as present when you’re doing well too.
3. Stuck in the Past Stacey
“Remember that time you…” is a statement that Stuck in the Past Stacey likes to use. But she doesn’t draw your attention to fond memories. She draws your attention mainly to things you’d like to forget. Oh you met a guy? Is he a loser like the last one you dated? Oh, you’re trying to be a counselor? Girl, have you worked out all them issues you had last year? Oh nowwww you want to get serious about church. Wait, how many guys have you been with again? Stuck in the Past Stacey doesn’t have time to see your bright future because she’s too busy dwelling on dark moments of your past. If your weaknesses, mistakes, and transgressions seem to be your “friend’s” favorite topic, then reconsider having this person in your life. Again, when striving for success, believing in yourself is half the battle. You’ll need friends that will help you see where you’re going, not where you’ve been.
4. Messy Misty
Messy Misty is the friend that didn’t talk to you before dating your ex-boyfriend or husband. Or she flirts with your current one. Messy Misty seems to create drama wherever she goes and regularly needs you to bail her out of risky or costly situations. Messy Misty is also addicted to gossip. She constantly has something negative to say about everybody in her life. And ladies if she’s bringing other womens’ issues and problems to you, she is most definitely taking your issues and problems to them. Beware of those friends who create complications in your personal, professional, financial, or relational life. As a purpose-driven woman, you just do not have time for that.
Nobody’s perfect. People won’t be able to be perfect friends to you just as you won’t be able to be a perfect friend to them. But if these patterns become typical of your friendships with certain women, be careful. Friends can make or break you. Please choose wisely. I’d love to hear your experiences with these types of friends so don’t be afraid to share! Love yall. ~Peace
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